Lean In

Are you a young teenage girl who told her boyfriend that she is pregnant?  Did your boyfriend sort of freak out at the news?  Are you going to stay with your cousin for several months because no one seems to understand about you being pregnant?  Are you almost nine months pregnant and you just found out that you have to travel to meet obligations?  Are you short on money and need to take a long uncomfortable ride to meet this obligation?  Have you been turned away from every hotel in town, maybe because you look like you don’t have a dime and are pregnant?  Are you hiding out in a cave when you feel labor pains start?  Are you in labor with no midwife or doctor to help; the only person to help is your inexperienced boyfriend?

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Yes, this is the Christmas Story.  Ok, not exactly the way the story is pictured or told on the Hallmark TV special.  These shows have the hosts baking that special cookie recipe, the news is full of examples of people who have their house draped in a dazzling light show, all Christmas movies have a happy ending; love is found, family restored and wishes are fulfilled.

Has the lights and merriment of the season become just a bright strobe that makes the issues of your life all that harder to face?  Are you facing the loss of a loved one, a year that didn’t go as planned, a relationship ending, a job lost, or a financial set back?  Are you trying to figure out a way to just pull the covers over your head and wake up in January?  This is not an easy time of year to be going through tough times.  But, being Yogi the Bear and going into hibernation until spring isn’t healthy or possible; so here is a game plan for getting through December.

Do you have an empty place because of a loss of loved one?  Are you sad that you aren’t including the loved one on your Christmas list?  Instead of regretting you aren’t looking for the perfect present, why not create a tribute?  The tribute could be an electronic photo album with a written personal tribute of stories and memories you share with other family members.     

Are you finding the holidays irritating because you don’t like where your life is right now?  Take a minute and tell yourself your life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to enjoy it.  Life is generally a work in progress, a project that is moving.  Don’t put your happiness on hold just because you have some personal goals still in progress.  Take time to look at the progress you have made.

Have you tried changing your point of view?  Norman Vincent Peale is famous for pointing to the power of positive thinking.  No matter how bad things are going, something is going right.  Your mood may be lifted when you take a time out to notice what’s going right.  Before you get out of bed in the morning, think of three positive things.  At the end of the day, write down as many things for which you are grateful as you can remember.  For example, Mary “escaped” to Elizabeth’s house, but she could be grateful she had Elizabeth’s house to visit.  Your goal is to remind yourself to pay attention to and spend some time with the positive.

Are you letting people into your life or building a wall to keep them out?  Obstacles are best conquered with a team approach.  Lean in on family and friends.  Don’t avoid your support system.  Don’t go solo; reach out.  Let others lift you up.  Try this approach.  Grab a friend and take a walk or go to a group fitness class.  Your overall well-being will be greatly enhanced from the exercise as well as from connecting with friends.

December might be painful for you because of what you are going through, but you can make it better with lots of self-compassion and kindness.

For God has given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  Timothy 1:7

Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions 434-808-2637.