It’s a Joke, Right?

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Have you ever told your spouse something, thinking it was a joke but your spouse took you seriously?

This week that is exactly what happened.

While listening to the radio, I heard the DJ’s talk about an interchange between a husband and wife.  The interchange went like this:  The husband suggested to his wife that they start to run their household more like a business.  The wife, not knowing exactly where the husband was going with this suggestion, said OK.  The husband pulled out a job performance review form, which he used at work.  He had completed a performance review on his wife.  The husband proceeded to give his wife a performance review.  The husband reviewed what he considered his wife’s essential tasks and her performance score in accomplishing these tasks.

Now I don’t know if this was a true story; however, I had many thoughts about the plan.  Most of the thoughts were not supportive of the idea of a performance review.  I told my spouse about the plan.  My spouse spent the next few days joking about a performance review and my score.

The joking did bring up some very interesting topics and viewpoints.  For example, if mischievous were a trait on a marriage performance review, would this be a positive trait or a negative trait?  If your spouse gave you a 10 on mischievous is that good or bad?

After thinking and joking about the idea, we decided the husband’s idea might not have been a bad one.  He just had a bad execution of the idea; he was missing a major piece of the performance review process.  Performance reviews are a routine part of the working world.  However, for performance reviews to be an effective management tool, both the manager and the employee need to understand the job elements performed and evaluated.

In a marriage, unfulfilled expectations often create problems.  A healthy, effective “performance review process” may help set expectations.  Let’s look at a business performance review process within the scope of a marriage relationship.

The performance review process begins with defining per­formance standards that are clear and understood by all involved.  In a marriage, a husband and wife should discuss what needs to be done and by whom.  Who takes out the trash?  Who pays the bills?  How are discipline methods for the kids set?  How is free time spent: watching TV, playing sports, going out together?

The second step is to verify that the performance standards are clearly communicated.  The mere transference of information relating to performance standards is not communi­cation.  It becomes communication only when the transference of information has taken place and has been received and understood by both parties.  It is important to note that communica­tion is a two-way street.  In marriage, two-way communication is just as important.  Both husband and wife need to talk and listen when setting goals.

Measuring actual performance is the third step in the performance review process.  Measurement must be objective based on facts and findings.  Both at work and at home this step is hard.  We all bring our own expectations into the process.  What defines being home from work timely?  Does that mean directly home from work or does it mean home after running a few errands?

The final step in the review process is to communi­cate and discuss in a constructive manner the result of the review with the goal of mutually agreeing on the future needed actions.  In a marriage, this means both the husband and wife talk about what is working versus what is not working.  This, again, is a mutual two-way discussion.

The theme of the performance review process, from the business world, is having a two-way communication process about setting and reaching a goal.  All joking aside, would not this type of communication pattern help your marriage?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

ppp

Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.