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It All Comes Down to the Dog

   Written by on August 11, 2016 at 9:40 am

logo - stump countyWith the recent influx of ROIDS, RANTS AND RANGS moving to Stump County we are seeing things “we ain’t never seen befo.”

We’ve got a guy who claims that back in the real world he was a community organizer. We’re scared to ask him what that means. Best we can figger is that he sort of sorts out communities and arranges them. It may be an art form or it may be a way to push folks around or it may be a way for him to pretend he had a real job.

Another guy says he is an “Attorney at Law” and that with no lawyers Stump County must need one. He set up a little office on Main Street, hired Ludd’s daughter Ludmilla as his secretary and sits at a big desk.

For the first two weeks he just sat at his fancy desk busily writing something. Maybe an Attorney at Law is some kind of writer or novelist or something.

After two weeks he started wandering around Sneezeville and talking to folks. It seems that a lawyer is a guy who writes up contracts and wills and stuff. Well, here in Stump County all you do is scribble your will on a piece of paper and get someone else to witness it if they don’t want it all to go to their wife and sprats.

The only time we had a problem was with Lawrent’s. He wrote, “Give all my stuff to the love of my life.” Well, three women, one man and his wife claimed it. As it happened after his bills had been paid all he had left was two jugs of likker, half a plug of chewing ‘baccy and a Redbone hound named Luke.

Judge Judge ruled Luke was the love of Lawrent’s life so we drank the likker, chewed the plug in Lawrent’s memory and all agreed to feed Luke if he wanders by.

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