Is Sports the Answer?

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Do you ever feel that your husband is depressed?  Have you offered to help but end up just getting a shrug of the shoulders?  Do you ever wonder what is really going on inside his head?

Well, here are some sober findings regarding what men are feeling.  Forty-nine percent of men feel more depressed than they are willing to admit to the concerned people in their life; 45 percent of men surveyed believe that mental health issues can be solved on their own.  Men generally do not believe they need to get help with mental health issues.

It is not new news that men are not open to talking about their feelings, especially as it relates to talking about their own mental health issues.  In 1972, Peter Sifneos introduced to psychiatry the term alexithymia, which literally means having no words for emotions.  In Greek a=lack, lexis=word, and thymos=emotions.  Dr. Ronald Levant expanded on this thought and coined the term “normative male alexithymia.”  Normative male alexithymia describes men’s greater problems with expressing their emotions.  Normative male alexithymia is considered a possible contributor to depression and barrier to effective treatment.

Three out of five men believe depression symptoms are the same for men and women.  However, research studies have shown that there may be differences related to depression symptoms in men versus women.  When women are depressed they tend to feel overtly sad and hopeless.  While men who are depressed may feel tired, irritable, and angry.  Men may have trouble sleeping and lose interest in their work, family, or hobbies.  A study conducted by the National Institutes of Health found that men express their depression in terms of increases in fatigue, irritability and anger (sometimes abusive in nature), loss of interest in work or hobbies, and sleep disturbances.  The study also found that men use more drugs and alcohol as a means of self-medication.  The use of drugs and alcohol can mask the signs of depression making it harder to detect and treat effectively.

To make matters even harder, many men keep suicidal thoughts to themselves.  Men die by suicide four times more often than women do.  Thoughts of suicide are extremely serious, but 45 percent of men revealed they likely would not discuss suicidal thoughts with a friend.  More than half, 53 percent, said they would not be very likely to recognize if one of their male friends was at risk for suicide.

Now what?  Men think they can solve their problems on their own.  As a wife, what can you do to make a difference?

First, do not give up.  Psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Snyder’s advice is to use a sports metaphor when talking with the men in your life.  An example he gives is to tell your loved one you are on his team and you want to help him win but he needs to give you the ball on this issue.  Another idea is to point out that all players have coaches and trainers.  You can suggest to your loved one that maybe this is one area where he needs a coach or trainer.

Second, find the help he needs.  To speak with someone immediately, contact National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255.  The website http://headsupguys.org/ is a good informational website site.  Talk with your pastor or find other professional help.

Remember 1 in 4 adults in the United States will experience a mental health problem in a given year.  The highest rate of depression is in men aged 40 – 59.  On average 87 men each day take their life by suicide in the USA.

Yes, these are sobering statistics.  Give your loved one this list of top athletes who have battled depression.  New Orleans Saints Ricky Williams, Pittsburgh Steelers Terry Bradshaw, Liverpool soccer player Stan Collymore, WBC world heavyweight champion Frank Bruno, baseball player Darryl Strawberry, basketball player Larry Sanders, WWE champion Dwayne Johnson, football player Andre Waters, and hockey player Rick Rypien. Help him see he is not alone.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 

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Call us with your comments; our phone number is 434-808-2637.