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Hobo, Rufus & Dead Moms Voting

   Written by on September 1, 2021 at 1:15 pm

It appears that my dog Hobo has decided to quit killing chickens. It has been more than two weeks without any feathered fatalities.  But today as Hobo was racing around the yard he (according to him) accidentally ran over one.

There was a puff of feathers, a squawk and a chicken running and fussing. In Hobo’s favor he did not chase it.

Later Hobo changed his story. Now he is saying the Chicken tripped him as he was minding his own business protecting the farm.  I thought Hobo was smarter than that.  Never change your story or excuse just because you thought up a better one later.

I owe my bugley (butt ugly) truck, Rufus, an apology.  I was going to Drakes Branch to pick up some shelving when Rufus coughed and quit running. This was the first time in 10 years Rufus has let me down.  He may be ugly, tri-colored (electric blue, VDOT yellow and rust brown) but he has been totally reliable.  His gauges don’t work. The heater only works in the summer and he doesn’t like a big load but he has never let me down and left me on the side of the road.

It turns out Rufus didn’t let me down. I let Rufus down. Without a gas gauge I always fill him up when I leave home. For the first time in 10 years, I forgot and ran out of gas.  Sorry Rufus, my fault not yours.

This is the second time this month I have suspected Rufus unjustly.  As I was hauling asphalt, he started making a wokedy wockdy sound. I knew I had heard that sound before but couldn’t identify it.  Someone said it was a blown exhaust manifold.  Since it couldn’t be fixed easily I decided to finish the job.

When I arrived to reload several folks pointed out that Rufus sounded like he had a blown spark plug.  I knew I knew that sound. Gretchen (my first VW) once blew a plug and I drove her for months until I could afford another head.

People could hear Gretchen coming for miles.

All I had to do for Rufus was screw the plug back in and the wokedy wock was gone.

Years ago, I had a lady friend who claimed that “If it has wheels, a motor or testica, er, testosterone, it will give you trouble.”

I am neither endorsing nor opposing that theory, just sharing it.

However, this month I have spent more time than usual keeping stuff running.  The Chief (my father) bought a generator almost thirty years ago. I’ve had it for twenty years.

It has provided power every time we’ve had an outage. She has required some sweet talking and caressing but has always done the job.

This year I decided she deserved a bonus. I tuned her up, replaced a solenoid and the battery, gave her all new filters and filled cans with non-ethanol gas and she promptly quit running. Apparently, she is one of those girls who thrive on neglect and abuse.

I just received a call asking to speak with my mother who has been dead for several years.  She (the caller not my mother) claimed to be a human “speaking through a computer for accuracy.”  When I said my mother is dead, she continued as if that isn’t a problem. Then she complained that my answers did not compute.  What isn’t there to understand?  I said, “Gee whiz gee golly ding dong dell my response would have to be an affirmative.”

Then I asked if she was a Democrat since they have a history of voting dead people. Her response was, “I understand you want to be removed from our call list.” I responded, “I am sure my mother is in heaven and there is no way there are robo-calls in heaven or it would be hell. Please remove HER from your list.”

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