Head Injury, Foresight, & Blessings

The stories in this column are true. Averett lives a dull life in rural Southside Virginia with his wife Management, two children and a rotating assortment of goats, dogs, cats, snakes and other local fauna.

Friday as I was walking out of the shop I bumped my head on the overhead door.  Of course, I wasn’t seriously injured since it was my head. It did take off a chunk of scalp which bled a little.  One of the young folks here responded promptly.  She, being young, did what all young folks would do. She grabbed her phone and took a picture of the injury.  I suspect it would have been on Facebook before I said ouch if I hadn’t stopped her.

Now this is one of the differences between old codgers and young folks. Old codgers and kids will show you their boo-boos in a second. Young folks take a picture and post it.

When an old codger starts telling you about his surgery, get ready, you are going to see a scar. The only positive is that unlike a kid they usually won’t ask you to kiss it and make it better.

I called my bride Management to inform her of the boo-boo. Young person messaged her a picture.

I decided to blame Management. I didn’t say it was her fault, I said I was going to blame her.

It’s like this. If it wasn’t for Management it wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t met Management 32 years ago and if we hadn’t grown in love and if we hadn’t got married and if we hadn’t had children and if those children hadn’t grown up and if they hadn’t had children and if one of those Grand-brats hadn’t opened the garage door I wouldn’t have bumped my head, so it is Management’s fault.

In any case the young person has a beautiful picture of the damage which I am certain she would love to send you which is why I am not telling you which young person has the picture.

In spite of all the grief I get regarding my wonderful selection of stuff I just had another vindication. The girl-child noticed two of her tires were bad. They weren’t even good enough for spares or to put on a trailer. She called and I had three good tires in inventory in the correct size.

I am planning on writing a blessing for me that will be required from anyone who wants something from my inventory. It will have to be repeated three times by the folks who have criticized my collection in the past.

It will go something like this:  Bless you, O wise and wonderful Averett for having the foresight to save these valuable and useful things from being thrown away. Bless you for keeping them (or it) safe and secure until my time of need. Bless you for helping save the environment and… Heck I’ll go along in that theme for at least six paragraphs. They’ll think they are at a Baptist alter call singing Just as I Am.

I’ll spare you the rest of it unless you want something from my inventory. Then you get the whole shebang.

Let’s face it. I need all of the blessings I can get even if I have to force unfortunate people to say them.

On the other hand, I have been truly blessed in almost every way. After waiting 29 long and lonely years I was blessed with Management. Come to think about it almost everything else is either secondary or a direct result of finding Management.

Before Management I was blessed with family, friends and a few enemies. Spell check just tried to change that to enemas. Since they are similar I should have left it alone.

Then on top of family and friends I was blessed by having Management which is actually all the blessings I could ever need. Everything else is just a bonus with the Grand-brats being the icing on the cake. Until you have them it is impossible to imagine just how much of a blessing they will be and it is impossible to imagine just how much energy they take.

Last week was Thanksgiving, which, by the way, actually started in Virginia unless you want to be really correct and move it down to the Caribbean somewhere.

Even with all of the difficulties America has been having we are all still blessed by living in this great country.

We are all truly blessed.