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Happy Valentine’s Day

   Written by on February 11, 2016 at 11:28 am
Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

It is almost Valentine’s Day.  Have you noticed all the love songs on the radio?  I did a websearch to find the most popular love song.  I did not find the most popular love song but I did find something else that stood out.  There are hundreds of romantic, inspiring love songs.  Songs that make you feel like the singer is completely head over heels in love.  The interesting thing I noticed was that all the singers had been involved in failed marriages.  It seems they found falling in love easy, but staying in love was hard work.

The songs are full of descriptions about the feelings of being in love, the butterflies and fireworks of falling in love.  So what happens after the honeymoon?  Interesting even the meaning of the word “honeymoon” has a dire prediction.  In 1542, Samuel Johnson wrote about the meaning of the word honeymoon: “The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure; while comparing the mutual affection of newly-married persons to the changing moon which is no sooner full that it begins to wane”.

Maybe even before you mailed the thank you notes, you started to notice a change.  The fireworks of your new love had ended and problems began to appear out of nowhere.  All of a sudden, you started seeing each other’s baggage.

Looking at the marriage and divorce rate we can’t help but conclude that we all want to be loved but most of us are willing to give up on love.  Maybe we’ve listened to one too many love songs that make love seem so easy.  Maybe the second verse of all love songs should be about the benefits of planning on how to stay in love.

Do you think it is possible to experience a love that lasts?  What is your plan for making your love last?

Do you think that love is a noun or a verb, that is a feeling or an action?

If you think love is a noun, that means you are focused on the moment or the feeling of love.  If you look at love as verb, that means you focus on the actions of love verse a single feeling.  The Bible tells us that two shall become one.  This verse points to an action, a process of change, not a feeling.

Do you put yourself or your spouse first?

When you first were dating, whose opinion was more important?  How much effort did you put into finding out what your spouse thought as opposed to how much effort you put into proving you were right?  In order to stay in love, your approach to determining what is valuable must mirror the first days of romance.  We need to be interested in things because they are interesting to our loved ones.  By doing this, we learn to put our spouse first.

Do you know how to build a bridge from your expectations to reality?

In every relationship, there are gaps between what is expected and what actually happens.  You know the saying love is blind.  We all walk down the aisle with an expectation for our marriage.  Dinner is always ready on time, messes never happen, mistakes don’t happen.  Then reality sets in.  How do you act?

1 Corinthians 13:7 gives a good plan for how to build that bridge.  You build a bridge by planning for a love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.  In a marriage, that means when you have a chance to doubt or trust, you trust.  When you have a chance to give up or hope, you hope.  When you have a chance to quit or persevere, you persevere.  A powerful tool to building that bridge is to believe the best about your spouse.

It is possible to stay in love, but it does take more than fireworks and moonlit beaches.  Falling in love only requires a pulse.  Staying in love?  That requires a plan.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Philippians 2:3

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Comments or questions?  Call us at 434-808-2637. 

About Cheryl & Dennis Gowin

Cheryl Gowin, Counselor and Dennis Gowin, Director of Discovery Counseling Center. Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues or questions at 434-808-2426 or dgowin@discoverycounseling.org.

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