Half Whitt Shares Former Bosses Comments

It has been a slow news week here in Stump County and I wanted to take this opportunity to thank the nice folks at the Sneezeville Sentinel for giving me this job.

For a guy whose only real talents are drinking coffee, sitting on a creek bank with a cane pole and talking with Pastor Needham Flock on the question of life after cancellation. I am concerned. Is there something else or is it just “poof, no coffee.”

This week I thought I would share what some of my former bosses said about me.

“Half is not a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”

“Half works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

“Mr. Whitt sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”

“A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”

“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”

“If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”

“Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”