Half Whitt for President

I have already made it plain that I will not run for President of the United States. Granted, if I become a politician I could retract that promise and no one would care because everyone expects politicians to lie.

On the other hand, I can still taste that bar of lye soap Granny Whitt made me eat if I used dirty words or lied. Granny’s been dead and buried for 50 years but I’m just not willing to take a chance on it.

Another problem is my name. Both the Republicons and the Democraps are running half-wits for office and I’d hate for one of them to get votes intended for me.

If I were going to run this would be my platform.

1. Nobody could hold more than two terms in elected office unless they worked at a real job in private industry for two years in between. That would apply to everybody from the mayor of Sneezeville to the President of the whole dadgum new-nighted States of America.

2. No politician or Gov’mit employee would be paid unless the budget was balanced and there was money available.

3. All Gov’mit employees would be required to work in private industry for one year out of every six to keep them in touch with reality.

4. The bottom producing 10 percent of employees at every level in Gov’mit agencies would be replaced every year with qualified applicants bidding for the job.

5. All Gov’mit benefits would be paid half in cash and the remaining half on a dollar for dollar basis for earnings. This would mean someone now getting $20,000 in benefits would get $10,000 which is enough to keep them from starving and another $10,000 if they earn $10,000. This would bring them above poverty level, give them pride in accomplishment and the opportunity for success.

6. Every American and illegal immigrant would be eligible for enough healthy food to provide 2500 calories a day.

7. Conflict of interest laws would be changed. Anyone who received a benefit check, paycheck, or any other direct payment from any Gov’mit source would be eligible to vote that year. No one would lose the right to vote – they would have to choose between voting and the check. Many people vote their personal interests instead of what is good for the country. Technically, if you have a financial interest in the outcome of a vote you should abstain anyway.

I got a bunch more platform possibilities. Let me know yours.