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“Gym- Nasties”

   Written by on February 15, 2018 at 3:43 pm

logo- community news & viewsThis reporter feels that she MUST share the following story again, the reason being: Everyone I know is trying to lose a “few” pounds.

After the usual winter holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and now Valentine’s Day, plus many delicious gourmet meals, desserts and “little snacks,” many folks feel a little heavy during February, just before spring finally arrives in March.

Don’t give up! With nicer weather coming this spring and everyone will get outside, those added pounds will hopefully go away.

In the meantime, enjoy the following story once again. It’s all about a regular workout routine written by a lady in her diary.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my children (so sweet) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for my gift.  Although I am still in good shape since being a high school cheerleader many years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear.  My kids seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress so here goes:

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed that early but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find  Belinda waiting for  me.  She is something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. She gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout day. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee but I finally made it out the door. Belinda had me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air; then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill but I made the full mile.  Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  Driving to the club was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams  bothered other club  members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning. When she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. She took me to work out with dumbbells.

FRIDAY: I hate that stupid Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Yes, stupid, skinny little Belinda. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain I would beat her with it!

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice, wondering why I did not show up today; just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner.

SUNDAY:  I’m having the church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my children will choose a gift for me that is fun….like a root canal or a hysterectomy! I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!

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