Great Truths

The following has been going around the internet for years and finally arrived at this reporter’s computer. Hope our readers enjoy these very real truths.

Little children have learned that no matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.  When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back because they always catch the second person. Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food for you. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. The very best place to be when you are sad is Grandpa’s lap!

If you think children are still learning truths, read on to find out what adults have learned.  Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Wrinkles don’t hurt. Families are like fudge….mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground. And, middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy!

Here are a few truths about growing old. Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional. Forget the health food because we need all the preservatives we can get. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. Time might be a great healer but it is a lousy beautician. Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone. (Think about that one!)

The four stages of life are interesting:

You believe in Santa Claus

You don’t believe in Santa Claus

You are Santa Claus

You look like Santa Claus

Success:

At age 3 success is ….not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is….having friends

At age 16 success is….having a driver’s license

At age 35 success is…having money

At age 50 success is…having money

At age 70 success is…having a driver’s license

At age 80 success is…not piddling in your pants

This great truth came from John Adams:  In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a Congress.

Think on this great truth from P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian:  Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.