Gentle Parenting Month 6

I missed providing you with month six of the Twelve Steps to Gentle Parenting in February.  I hope that gave you a little extra time to practice steps one through five.  There is just so much great information available; it’s difficult sometimes to decide what to focus on first.

Month six is Say “YES”

L.R. Knost encourages us to turn our ‘no’s’ into ‘yes’s’!  We are reminded that boundaries are necessary, as in any civilized society, for everyone’s safety and comfort.  Setting limits, using the gentle parenting model, focuses on connection and empathetic communication rather than control and punitive consequences.

We are encouraged to set limits using gentle parenting by turning our ‘no’s’ into ‘yes’s’.  Instead of saying, “No, you can’t have ice cream until after dinner,” try saying “I know you love ice cream.  I do, too!  We’re getting ready to eat right now, but what flavor would you like after dinner?”  Notice how this invites cooperation instead of setting up a power struggle triggering opposition, another hallmark of gentle parenting.

Think about how many times we say no to our young child.  Are you surprised?  Now make the effort to use “yes” instead.  I know you want to watch TV, but we must get dressed so we can go to the library.  When we get home, it will be time for _________ (an appropriate show for your child).  We will watch it together before we read the book you have chosen from the library.

Sometimes all it takes to make changes in our lives is recognizing when our actions may not be the best and deciding to do it differently.  We tend to parent as we were parented even when we didn’t like that way or have come to realize the down side to it.  It may take a bit of considering how those ways made us feel at the time for us to commit to doing it differently.

If I had my child-rearing days to do over, there are things I would do differently.  I did the best I knew how at the time, but now that I have better information, and know better ways, I would make changes in some of those ways.  My wise dad gave me fair warning about this when I was a young parent.  He pointed out that like me, he did his best to be a good father to my sister, brother and me, but now he was hearing that some of those things were more hurtful than helpful.

We are all going to make mistakes along the way, but as long as we are doing the best we know how, according to the latest and best information available to us, we shouldn’t beat up on ourselves when we get it wrong.  Simple apologies to our young when we mess up go a long way, also. “I’m sorry.  Mommy should not have yelled at you.  I need to remember to use my talking voice.”

Happy gentle parenting.  I will continue to pray for you as you make positive changes.