Empty Nesters and Romance

This week’s article is for the American’s who are over 50, married and empty nesters.  All who have been married for more years than they were in school, whose kids have grown, left the nest, and who can easily count the time to retirement.  Empty nesting means a momentous change in life, and it raises the question, can empty nesters still find romance in marriage?  The answer is a resounding yes, and here is how!

Empty nesting is a time in life congested with changes.  The changes can put confusion into the marriage and questions about the roles of both spouses.  The years of having a life filled with parenting responsibilities are over.  Your schedule is no longer consumed by your children’s requirements: homework, friends, school activities, sports, etc.  You are faced with the question, now what?  Many couples find themselves drifting apart rather than redesigning their married life.  Are you in this stage of life? Here are several ideas for remodeling your marriage.  

Do you watch any of the rehab TV shows like Good Bones or Rehab Addict?  These shows take old homes and give them a face-lift.  Some homes need to be torn down to the studs, others just need cosmetic changes.  But in all cases, the houses are brought back to life.  These suggestions can help you rehab your marriage to make the second half happier than the first half. 

Develop new interests.  The kids are gone, so your social events won’t revolve around their events.  You, as a couple, need to discover new activities together.  This is your chance to spend time doing things that interest you by taking on new hobbies, volunteering, or getting involved in ministries at church.  The afternoon of life is just as full of meaning as the morning; only, its meaning and purpose are different, is the wisdom expressed by Carl Jung.  Now is the time when husbands and wives need to make a point of redefining how to spend an enjoyable time together.  C.S. Lewis offers the observation, “You are never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream.”  

Listen to each other.  Communication is the core of all energetic relationships.  Every husband and wife, in a successful relationship, place a high significance on frankness, understanding, and a deep connection.  Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, tells us, “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.”

Forgive, forget, and accept your spouse as he or she is.  Let hurts from the past, stay in the past.  Forgive these happenings and look forward to building new positive happenings.  Your action needs to choose to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1).  It’s not looking at how to change your spouse.  You are only responsible for yourself.  You do need to pray, love, and support your spouse.  As Gary Thomas states in Sacred Marriage, “Every one of us is married to an imperfect spouse. We confront different trials, different temptations, and different struggles—but each one of us faces the same reality: living as imperfect people, in an imperfect world, with an imperfect spouse.  Learning to love, appreciate, and to be thankful for that imperfect spouse is one of the most soul-transforming things you can do.  It’s not an easy journey, but it’s a profitable one, and I urge you to remain committed to it today.”

Stay in shape.  Lack of energy will stop you from accomplishing the goal of looking at your marriage and spouse in an uplifting and positive way.  Don’t let not eating well, lack of sleep or no exercise drag you down.  Touch is an essential element in a marriage.  Touch means affection, hugs, kisses, and hand-holding. 

Be happy.  Follow Rick Warren’s advice and make a choice to choose to make “Happiness a Habit.”

Empty nesters are facing a new phase in life.  A stage that can be happy and meaningful.  Look at this as the opportunity to build a happy, new period in your married life.  

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.  Psalms 126:2

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.