Don’t Shoot Yourself in the Foot

Or to say this another way ..  how to avoid self–sabotaging by steering clear of saying things that send the wrong message.  What is self-sabotaging?  It is when we do or say something harmful and not in our own self-interest.  For example, you would not let your son call his sibling an idiot but have you ever said, “I’m an idiot.”  This negative self-talk is harmful.  

Craig Lounsbrough puts the action of self-sabotage well when he said, “I decry the injustice of my wounds, only to look down and see that I am holding a smoking gun in one hand and a fistful of ammunition in the other.”  What are the ways you target your self-image?  Yes, I’m an idiot is one, but here are four other sayings that blast our self-image. 

I can’t; I don’t know how.

A favorite saying is, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  Thomas Edison said that about the discovery of the light bulb.  Where would you be if you only did what you knew how to do?  Not walking, not talking, not driving a car.  We are born not knowing how to do most things in life.  

Saying things like “I’m just not good with numbers,” or “I just don’t think I can be successful” limits yourself.  Preventing self-sabotaging is changing from looking at what you can’t do, to what you can.  Follow Sir Isaac Newton’s example.  A math whiz, Newton failed at other activities, including managing the family farm.  However, he moved on to Cambridge, and the rest is history.  He stated, “We build too many walls and not enough bridges.”

Just my luck

Is this a phrase you say when you want to build a wall?  Did you know that Michael Jordan did not make his high school basketball team the first time he tried out?  That did not stop him from continuing to try.  Walt Disney was fired by the Kansas City Star editor. The editor told Disney he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.  Imagine if Jordan or Disney used these setbacks to say it is my luck; why keep trying. 

I tried

Doesn’t this sound like a tremendous get-off-the-hook excuse?  This is in the same category as saying I’m not ready, or it is just not the right time.  These sayings are really, again, just building a wall to moving forward.  These self-sabotaging sayings are telling us to fear and avoid change. “And there’s also ‘To him that hath shall be given.’ After all, you must have a capacity to receive, or even omnipotence can’t give.  Perhaps your own passion temporarily destroys the capacity.” – C.S. Lewis.  This is a complicated way to say your ability to succeed can be stopped by you.   

When you study successful people, you will see many of them did not feel competent to accomplish the task set before them.  The thread that runs through many of their stories is their overlooking the fear of the unknown.  We all have areas of strengths and areas of weaknesses.  

If only

Do you use these two simple words to start a wish, hope, or complaint?  If only I had a better education.  If only I had started earlier in life.  If only, If only, If only.  In his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden tells us, “What is required for many of us, paradoxical though it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.”  Change your “If Only’s” to an action statement.  I will get training for …  or I will start today… 

Life is full of unanticipated twists and turns.  The goal is to avoid the adverse effects of these landmines and keep looking forward. 

Christ’s message in all its richness must live in your hearts.  Teach and instruct one another with all wisdom. Sing psalms, hymns, and sacred songs; sing to God with thanksgiving in your hearts.   Everything you do or say, then, should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, as you give thanks through him to God the Father.  Colossians 3:16-17

 Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.