Cutting: There is a Better Way

I had never even heard of self-mutilation; then I came home one day to see a trail of blood across the kitchen floor. Following the blood splatters, I found my daughter’s friend on the floor, bleeding.  My emotions ran from fear, to concern, to bewilderment as to why she would hurt herself. And, the big question for Jane, now what?

The first question in most people’s mind is what is cutting? Regardless of what you think, cutting or self-mutilation is a consequence of intense emotional pain. The most common form of self-mutilation is slicing or slashing with a knife, razor blade, shard of glass, or other sharp object on the arms, legs and wrists, or on less noticeable areas of the body. Cutting is the most common form, but self- injury may use other diverse methods, such as burning, pulling hair or punching walls.

Current research places the number of self-injurers at about 4% of the U.S. population, with as many as 10% of American teenage girls involved in some form of self-injury.  Nearly 50% of people who self-injure report physical abuse, sexual abuse, significant lack of parental nurturing or intense suppression of emotions during childhood.  Because of these tragic situations, teens, especially, don’t feel free to express their feelings to family, friends or people of trust resulting in negative emotions such as hopelessness, abandonment, fear, rejection, powerlessness, or mistrust.

Experts call cutting “the new anorexia” because, like an eating disorder, it is a self-destructive attempt to control painful thoughts and unexpressed emotions.  People from all walks of life can become a victim.  The late Princess Diana, speaking of her own struggle with self-injury, described her cutting episodes: “You have so much pain inside yourself that you try to hurt yourself on the outside because you want help.”  Common responses to the question “Why cut?” are: to help release emotional pain,   release anger, punish myself, relieve guilt, or to feel alive.

Self-injury can give you a feeling of control and maybe the only way you know to deal with pain.  Cutting is more than just trying to deal with stress or running from a painful past.  It is a cry for help.  It is an addictive coping mechanism.  Sophia defends her cutting: “You don’t understand how it makes me feel better. It’s like bursting a huge bubble. You feel like you are going to explode and you don’t know what to do. When I cut there is kind of release; it’s like an emotional high.”

The first step in choosing to stop can be challenging and scary.  Are you like Alex? You hate your addiction, but letting go is terrifying. You feel like you are giving up what you hold on to when life hurts. Alternatively, is your struggle more like Brenda?  You want to stop because you know it hurts those who love you. You are tired of hiding your addiction. You want to be able to lean on and be more emotionally intimate with others. Yes, if you are like Alex or Brenda, the choice to stop cutting can be challenging and scary.  Still, change is possible.  Consider what Jesus said in Matthew 19:26: “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Why stop? There is a future and hope to live free from the feelings of guilt, sadness, depression, shame, hopelessness and fear that drive you to cut. You see, cutting is not the problem. It’s only a symptom of a deeper unhealed emotional pain.

What first step can I take to achieve victory over cutting? Change means confronting a tremendous obstacle, but with God, friends, loved ones and a compassionate counselor, you can take the first step toward recovery. The only long-term solution to stop the pain you feel is to ask for help!  It’s essential to find someone compassionate to walk with you through the emotional pain that has led you to cut: a counselor, family, friends. The more people who will help during your walk to recovery, the more powerful the process of change becomes.

Cheryl Gowin, and Dennis Gowin, Hope for Tomorrow Counseling Center.  Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.