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Choice, A Superpower

   Written by on May 2, 2019 at 10:33 am
Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us at our counseling practice with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions at 434-808-2637.

Facebook is an excellent source of intriguing questions and here is one.  What is an achievable secret superpower?  Easy.  Your secret superpower is choice.  When you can’t control what is happening, you choose the way you respond to what is happening.

Do you feel you have control of the events that happen in your life?   Ask yourself if you can control any of these situations:

Your inlaw’s reactions to your parenting decisions

Your teenager’s mood swings

The way people around you drive

Your boss at work

Your spouse’s eternal focus on sports

Your friends’ and family’s demands on your time

The weather

If you are truly honest, you have to agree that you can’t control the actual events.  We can’t control the forces of nature, and we also can’t generally control the behaviors of others.  That does not mean that we need to feel like we are powerless.  Yes, there is little you can do to change the actual events, but a defeatist attitude of, “I give up, there is nothing I can do,” is giving up the power to control what you can control.

“If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”  -Maya Angelou.  This is profound advice.

The next time your mother-in-law comments on your parenting style, you can view this as a personal slam on your parenting choices or see her advice as just another opinion.

When your teenager’s hormones cause volcanic mood swings, you can add to the eruption with your own emotional outburst, or you can choose to react calmly.  You can ignore his or her grumpy, non-communicative grunts, remembering your teen is dealing with what he or she may consider world-altering issues.

As you drive down the road, when someone cuts you off or is going significantly under the speed limit, can you change their driving patterns?  No, you can control yourself and avoid road rage.

Yet again your boss is overly judgmental and critical of your efforts.  You can’t change your boss, but you can choose to be positive and continue to work to the best of your ability.

Your view is that your spouse never shows any interest in what you are doing.  You can blow up and storm out of the room, or you can take a deep breath and choose to talk in his or her love language.

Once again, you are faced with your family or friends asking you to help.  You can get mad or set healthy boundaries by discussing your ability to assist based on your current schedule.  Setting healthy boundaries means practicing saying no while avoiding allowing yourself to sink into guilt.    

Yes, your family, friends, coworkers, and boss can all do and say things that you find offensive.  You may not be able to change them, but your superpower allows you not to let their actions be a source of continuing pain in your life.  Your response can be a source of hurt, unforgiveness, and bitterness. Or, you can use your power to choose to let this go, to forgive, and to break free. You can’t change them, nor can you change what has happened. You can change your response.

The most miserable prison in the world is the prison we make for ourselves when we refuse to show mercy. Our thoughts become shackled, our emotions are chained, the will is almost paralyzed. But when we show mercy, all of these bonds are broken, and we enter into a joyful liberty that frees us to share God’s love with others. – Warren W. Wiersbe

Only you can change the one thing over which you do have control, your reaction.  You absolutely cannot change the weather, but you can choose how you respond.  Use your secret superpower, the power to choose. Stop living as if you have no choice and no control. You do – over yourself.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin.  Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.

About Cheryl & Dennis Gowin

Cheryl Gowin, Counselor and Dennis Gowin, Director of Discovery Counseling Center. Contact us with your feedback, comments, issues or questions at 434-808-2426 or dgowin@discoverycounseling.org.

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