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Building Bulldozers, Stoned Henges, and Baby Tales

Building Bulldozers, Stoned Henges, and Baby Tales

We just got some good news. The daughter is adding to her herd of Grand-brats. I have only one complaint. If they had really worked at it we could be…

Sasquatch, Cajoling Daffodils and Multi-lingual Phones

Sasquatch, Cajoling Daffodils and Multi-lingual Phones

Years ago the son proposed a theory of proximity. At the time he was riding a bicycle across country. His theory was that the farther you are from your bike…

Fatitudes, Little Green Spacemen and Vegetable Buns

Fatitudes, Little Green Spacemen and Vegetable Buns

In one of those cruel twists of life I’ve been gaining some weight. According to a doctor that I quit seeing because I didn’t like what he said, I might…

Red Faced, Green Stamped and Burning Money

Red Faced, Green Stamped and Burning Money

This week as I was doing what I often do, which is looking for neat things to buy and resell at a reasonable profit I found a 36-foot sailboat at…

Planting Aunts, My Ding-A-Ling and Lying Robins

Planting Aunts, My Ding-A-Ling and Lying Robins

For the past few weeks I’ve been playing around with a hangnail on my big toe. My bride Management suggested I go for a pedicure. I don’t know what that…

Hands Free, Duck Tape and Resignation

Hands Free, Duck Tape and Resignation

I’ve been trying to adjust to this new phone. Not only are the buttons different, I really miss my suicide bomber ring tone. As you know, my theory is that…

Cell Phones, Catherine the Great and Fan Clubs

Cell Phones, Catherine the Great and Fan Clubs

I just got a new cell phone. I really have a problem with them. I don’t like anything to do with cells. Why can’t they be called “air” phones or…

New Uses for a Fire Truck, the New Despicables and New is Not Better

New Uses for a Fire Truck, the New Despicables and New is Not Better

I went into the office (oops, I almost said into work which would imply I actually do something here and this column is always truthful) to discover it was Minion…

Drunks, Three-Year-Old Semantics and De-volution

Drunks, Three-Year-Old Semantics and De-volution

I just had a conversation with an interesting guy. He is witty, intelligent and articulate. On the other hand he insists drinking alcohol is necessary at a party to “lubricate…

Cosmic Fire Trucks, Getting up on the Wrong Side and An Over-Abundance of Averetts

Cosmic Fire Trucks, Getting up on the Wrong Side and An Over-Abundance of Averetts

One of my cousins posted a compliment on Facebook regarding a Rural Legends column several weeks ago. He said nice things. I’m not used to people saying nice things. He…