Book Birth, Global Warming and Gravity

   Written by on May 19, 2016 at 11:21 am

logo - rural legends managementWell, my book just arrived from the printer.  Waiting for a book is sort of like being pregnant.  I know there is going to be a book/baby but don’t know exactly when it will arrive or what it will look like, or if it will have all of the expected parts.

When we were pregnant with the bratlets, it always annoyed me when people would say “Do you want a boy or girl?”  My answer was, “I’m hoping for triplets, one of each.”

Then they always said, “Just as long as it has all of its fingers and toes.”

Actually, I was more concerned with it having a brain. Let’s face it; the kids are the by-products of our hobby.  What right do we have to expect perfection?

If I am responsible for half of their genetic blueprints, the brain issue was of major concern.  Regarding the fingers and toes and various other appendages, if they take after me at all it will be a miracle if they reach adulthood with all of the ones they started out with.  Somehow they seem to have both their mother’s brain and her good sense, which is good for them and society in general.

Regarding the book birth, we knew what was supposed to be there and how we thought it would look but we didn’t know if there would be some weird genetic flaws or missing parts. After all, the book is the by-product of another hobby.  Somehow both brats and book were delivered and appear to have all of their parts, with just a few typos.

Speaking of natural events, there seems to be some major concern about Global Warming.  Having spent most of my life in various “hot seats” I think I am prepared to deal with it a little warmer and it would save me money if I could wear T-shirts all year.   Experts are saying that in a few thousand years, earth will be too hot for life. Since I’m not even planning on being around for more than a few decades, this does not involve me.

There is no reason they can’t fix it.  When I was a teenager, scientists were concerned about Global cooling and they fixed that.  The problem seems to be that they adjusted the thermostat too high and now we are having to deal with Global warming. If they will just tweak the cosmic thermostat a little we won’t have a problem.

What I am concerned about is the increase in gravity.  I spent part of last week cleaning out one of my barns to make room for some new old junk.  In the process I discovered several items that appeared to be stuck to the floor.  Considering the barn was most recently used as a honey processing plant when I was a beekeeper this did not concern me.  I pried them loose and found I still could not pick them up.  This is most upsetting. Every item in that barn was put there by me during the past 20 years or so.

The only explanation for this is that gravity has increased to the point I can no longer pick them up.  Somehow the gravitational increase only affects me and not the young men I have helping me; they can just pick things up like they were as light as they were 20 years ago. This also explains why my scales show that I am now 25 pounds heavier than I was 20 years ago.  Fortunately, this gives me a method to calculate the increase; I can document that gravity is increasing by one percent each year.

I have also noticed some sagging, particularity around my stomach, which I also attribute to the increased gravity. Several of my friends have noticed the same phenomenon. I think we need to encourage the scientists to discover the cause for the gravitational increase and do something about it.

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