A Misunderstandin’

   Written by on September 1, 2016 at 9:11 am

logo - stump countyIt looks like some folks misunderstood me last week. I announced my candidacy for President. It seems a whole dadgum bunch of folks thought I meant President of the whole blooming U S of A.  I may be crazy (and you would have to be crazy to want that job) and even though I might make a better president than either of the main party candidates I’m not that crazy.

I am running for President of the Stump County Chittlin’ Strut and Possum Festival Committee. The CAP (Chitlins’ and Possum) is held every winter here in Stump County during hog killing time. You city folks might not understand but hog killing time is the first really cold snap after Christmas. Ya kill em, scald em, scrape em and store em. Hams and bacon you cure. The rest you can which means putting it in jars to store for later. Canned goods is how most city folks buy stuff.

When it comes to hogs we eat everything. As we say from the “rooter to the tooter.” We even save the squeals and sell them to Ford to put in their brakes of those newfangled automobiles. You’ve probably heard the term “eating high on the hog.” The best part of a hog is the hams, pork chops, loins and shoulders, the higher parts.  The rest is good all the way down to the trotters but just not as tasty although pickled trotters are some kind of tasty.

We have a saying in Stump County. “We eat what we can and what we can’t eat we can.” A while back we had a city feller come to Stump County during canning season. He went home and wrote an article for a magazine on how we live. He didn’t really understand what we were saying. He wrote, They ate what they could and what they couldn’t eat they could.

This is the same problem we are having with the RANGs, ROIDs and RANTs coming back to Stump County. They think they understand what is going on and they think they have a better way to do it but they don’t have any history on the subject. One example is they think it would be better to hold the CAPs meetings at suppertime so “working folks can attend.”

What they don’t understand and don’t want to understand is that we’ve already tried that several times and nobody showed up. The old folks don’t come because they don’t want to drive a buggy home after dark. The parents with little youngins don’t show up because they have to cook supper, help with homework and put the sprouts to bed. Workin’ folks just want to kick their boots off and rest. Those of us who work in town don’t come because we’d have to make another trip to town and most of us can take an hour or so off from work to attend during the day. The bigger youngins have chores to do or homework or romancing to do.

In the winter, especially just before the CAP festival, everybody who can slip away from chores heads out Possum hunting at dark. The RANGs, ROIDs and RANTs just ain’t got nothing to do and can come to a meeting at any time. Why they want to force a change on folks who are happy with the way things are is a mystery.

Lots of folks say “I’d come iffen I didn’t have to work.” We tried changing the time but no matter what time the meeting is held they have another excuse. As Otis Sneezleweed said, “Let’s face it, folks are busy and just ain’t a gonna come to no meeting.” To be fair, Otis doesn’t like change of any kind. All he ever says is, “Iffen it was good enough for my daddy and good enough for my grand-daddy then it is good enough for me”

Little Big had himself a great idea. LB says “Let’s set up a whole dad-burned bunch of committees and put all of those RANGs, ROIDs and RANTs on them. Then they can annoy each other instead of us.”

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